At work they often have vendor shows. These vendors are the type that sell stuff like $100,000 microscopes or cancer curing computers. I know nothing of the wares that they sell nor do I care to know, but they do offer a refreshment table and free lunches. One thing I and any self respecting human can scarcely resist is a free meal.
So when these vendors roll up at lunch time with their sign in table, I become a totally different person. No longer am I, Clint, Professional Support Specialist, I am, Clint, PHD in Microbiology, a part of the Kenneth Douglas lab, located on floor 3M of the Weintraub building. I scribble my info on the bright green cards, careful to not make anything too legible. I toss my card into the pile face down, smile at the lunchtime gatekeeper. I grab a clear plastic bag and am finally ready for corporate trick or treating.
Each vendor has at the very minimum some type of candy or branded pen but if you're lucky you'll get a LED lit bouncy ball or clip magnet. I have bags full trinkets and trash underneath my desk.
Now when you're walking into a seemingly intimidating environment such as this, you have to stick to certain protocols or else you run the risk of exposure.
1. Don't make eye contact for too long. You need to let them know that you know that they know that you're there but, you don't want to let them smell your fear. That's when they'll attack.
2. If attacked, ask intelligently sounding questions about their products.
Them: "Oh, hello. Are you interested in an XYZ product for your lab?"
Me: "Maybe but where do you see this technology going in the next 5 years?"
Doesn't matter what they answer just smile at them, nod and carry on to the next booth.
Saying that you've already got a similar product on order also works well.
3. Keep your feet moving and don't linger too long. Lingering means interest and the only thing I'm interested are those halved muffins & bagels, tiny .5oz containers of cream cheese, and razor thin cantaloupe slices on the center table.
I always do a full circle around the room before jumping into the food line. I think I try to do this out of respect, but I'm also a hypocrite because you don't respect someone you just lied to. After collecting my food I sometimes have a second go around, as to say, "I am really excited about these products and maybe I am going to write up a grant to the government just so I can put one of those thingys in my lab!" Then I jump back in line for a second helping.
Don't get me wrong this is a dubious and even shameful act, but when I'm drinking an ice cold fun sized cranberry juice I am reminded that shame is just pride's less attractive sister.
